How to Become Mentally Tough

How to Become Mentally Tough

Does your stomach twist in knots at the threat of confrontation? Have you cried all the way home after a stressful day at work? Are you filled with anxiety instead of restful, dream-filled slumber? Are you indecisive, flitting from option to option like a toy mouse being batted about by Mr. Whiskers?

In order to do more than survive in life, mental toughness is as much a necessity as oxygen. It’s more than getting your big girl panties on and dealing with whatever comes up. It’s much more than telling yourself you come from sturdier stock than the panic at hand.

Mental toughness is about sticking to your resolve instead of being tossed about like a bottle searching for a random shore. It’s about fortitude, perspective, and Scarlett O’Hara-styled grit.

Lack of mental toughness produces more anxiety, more fatigue, more mental muddle.  The stress on adrenal glands can result in a thinning of coping reserves unless a sufficient amount of enjoyment and peace balance the equation. In short, Scarlett O’Hara was onto something.

How can you tip the game of life in your favor and skip the tears, worry, stress, and indecisiveness? It’s mental toughness, honey. Here’s how:

1. Know your stuff – The more prepared you are, the more confident you will be. You can be open to the opinions of others and appreciate their input without being completely washed out by the noise and pressure.
2. Planning 1.0 – Take care of the details. After you’ve had time to think through the situation, get your documentation or actions in order and then plan the two or three items needed in order to put the issue to rest. Planning puts you in control of issues. What do you need in the situation in order to have peace? Even if you worked 15 hours the day before, if going in for one more hour even on your day off will bring you peace, then do it.
3. Planning 2.0 – Keep a running list throughout the day in order to avoid becoming mentally frazzled. A list allows you to focus and reprioritize throughout the day. Keeping 12 items on a list and knocking them off is much less stressful than juggling them in the air for eight to ten hours.
4. Planning 3.0 – Does your day lend itself to three or four categories? If so, keep a list by category. Doing this allows you to further prioritize your time and focus on areas instead of random issues in order to grow the impact of your performance.
5. Resilience – Pumping up your fortitude is about knowing yourself. Why do some people bounce back from conflict while others fall into the gutter? The answer is perspective. In order to gain perspective, many times it is necessary to first know yourself. Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and purpose will give you a more accurate answer to the question: “What does this situation, that is robbing me of resilience, mean to me?” Contrary to popular belief that it doesn’t matter what others think of you, of course it does! Do you want that job you interviewed for or not? Do you want to be viewed as worth that raise or not? HOWEVER, perspective is the key. The opinion of others does NOT matter more than the truth you know about yourself or your actions. Determine the truth about yourself.
6. Communication 1.0 – Communication is about listening and being responsible for stating what needs to be said in a respectful manner. In other words, if there is a misunderstanding, correct it as quickly as possible. Making sure all parties are operating from the same game plan, gives you more control and therefore more confidence and strength. Be honest with yourself and others. There’s a difference in exercising control with responsibility and being controlling.
7. Communication 2.0 – State your case and be prepared to apologize WITHOUT groveling. Perhaps you weren’t aware of a policy that required action. A simple, “I can make that happen” is sufficient. Let go of repeated apologies and efforts to make up for your oversight. Don’t be a dog with your tail between your hind legs. Most people are forgiving and appreciate a simple apology when they are heard and understood and with the intent of honoring agreements. In short, never be afraid to communicate.
8. Confidence – Developing self-confidence comes from experience. What can you do to increase your experience? Study doesn’t end when you graduate or after your initial on-the-job training. Ask yourself how you can gain knowledge particular to your industry or the skills you are seeking. Read books, attend conferences, talk to people, ask Google. Bottom line: to be mentally tough, do your homework even when it isn’t assigned. Going the extra mile gives you an immediate edge because most people are too lazy or distracted.
9. Self-awareness –Scarlett O’Hara knew what she wanted. She also knew her priorities. Identify your feelings and priorities. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? What is important versus what do I want?” Sometimes you will know why insecure feelings surface, but not always. If you have feelings of failure, review your actions and strengths. Perhaps 8 out of 10 of your actions deserved an “A+”. STOP whipping yourself for the wimpy 20%. Give yourself the chance to learn from your mistakes and move forward anyway. No one ever learned without making mistakes. The failure would be to NOT learn anything. If you learned something, put that experience in the win column. NEVER, lash out at people when you feel inferior. This only makes you look smaller and desperate and further contributes to mental softness.
10. Forgive – Yes, forgive yourself (and others) QUICKLY! Acknowledge the poop you laid and move on. Everybody poops. So what?

Becoming mentally tough isn’t a skill you will achieve overnight. However, with continued commitment and practice, you will succeed in becoming a rock star of mental toughness.

For a discussion on the character and flaws of Scarlett O’Hara, click here.

To take your grit to the next level, take a look at these noteworthy books: