How to Live a Happy Life

Many books have been written on the subject of happiness. Yet, a lack of happiness continues to be a monumental fact of life for a monumental number of individuals. Is happiness possible in a world with so much conflict? How do we increase our odds at living a happy life? What does it really mean to be happy? Can another article possibly have anything new to offer on achieving happiness?

Examining ourselves as well as action steps can help solve the mystery of actually experiencing happiness.

What You Already Know, probably

What does it mean to be happy? Two especially fitting definitions of “happy”:

• characterized by well-being and contentment (Merriam-Webster)
• enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy (The Free Dictionary by Farlex)

Synonyms of happy include a range of different emotions from peaceful, content, and glad to beaming, joyful, exuberant, and elated.

That’s just great! We know what happiness is, but how do we get it?

You probably already know these action steps that will help increase your happiness quotient:

• Be with like-minded people
• Exercise
• Decrease alone time
• Seek enjoyable activities (Do you know what you actually enjoy doing?)
• Volunteer to help others (Think about others more and your own muck less.)
• Have a positive outlook
• Stop binge watching
• Plan a fun activity (Is there something on your calendar you can look forward to?)
• Create a list of things to do or accomplish
• Set a goal and complete it
• Seek different friendships
• Recite positive affirmations
• Take a social media holiday

Take time to assess yourself. Have you read suggestions like a spectator or like an actual game-day participant? How many of the above items (as well as others) have you tried? What worked? Have you continued these activities or settled into familiar routines that work against you?

What You Might NOT Know About Being Happy

There are a number of things to consider when we take stock of our lives, as we examine our lack of happiness or satisfaction with life and/or ourselves. Hopefully the following list will provide more insight and prompt positive action steps to achieve more of your happiness.

• Dopamine – Dopamine is an essential neurotransmitter that affects mood and is part of our reward system in the brain that affects repeat behavior (reward). When we chase “up” feelings instead of the consistent forward motion of progress, helping and encouraging others, acknowledging baby steps, scheduling time with friends, and seeking our Creator, we can become dependent on a cycle of filling our tank instead of the joy of living. Video games, binge watching, over-eating, addiction, and the choice to live on the edge for the sake of excitement all have one thing in common: a grab for dopamine. Being aware of why we are making a choice is important. For example, bing watching or over-eating may feel good in the moment, but are the long term effects desirable? Think moderation, balance, and long term outcomes. For more information on dopamine, read Anna Lembeke’s important book, Dopamine Nation.

• Gentleness – Many times we are more critical and harsh in the way we treat and talk with ourselves than the way we interact with others. It is important to be the same kind of friend to ourselves that we would be to others. Whether the way we treat ourselves was formed during childhood or through personal relationships, assess the quality of your own friendship. Do you need to be more gentle with yourself? After all, no matter where we go, we remain with ourselves.

• Time & morning routines – The way we live is characterized by the way we manage time and the way we perceive ourselves. Do we make time for enjoyment? Are our lives characterized by a sense of constant urgency (late for work/school) or do we build in space for peace? Even our morning routines can reflect contentment or chaos merely by how we approach the day. Depending on your personality type, you may want to include a quiet cup of coffee while enjoying nature. Even if you only have five minutes to spare, building in a routine demonstrating contentment translates to the way we approach life and perceive ourselves.
• Time management – Lack of happiness can sometimes be associated with a lack of focus. Without focus, we can lack fulfillment. For example, binging on sitcoms takes time away from healthful, helpful activities like studying, exercising, and getting ahead which can lead to fulfillment. How can you schedule your time to increase your odds of success and create a balanced life? The more you know, the more opportunities you’ll have. Maximize your opportunities.
• Mental bulk – Bulk refers to mass or volume. What is the bulk of your mental thoughts? Are large amounts of time spent with moody thoughts about negative interactions or circumstances (brooding)? We can shift the balance scales toward our favor by recognizing negative thought patterns and purposefully replacing them with positive thoughts. While it may sound overly simplistic, when we acknowledge our daily blessings, we can change our thoughts from unhappy to gratitude and contentment. Where do you allow your thoughts to aimlessly dwell?

• Attitude – Of course, we want to be happy! However, do we have permission from ourselves to actually be happy? It’s a simple question, however, our attitude toward happiness is important to consider. Do we feel guilty for wanting happiness compared to the situations of others? Does happiness seem superficial – dependent upon circumstances instead of a content state of being? Are we seeking a daily “ultimate high”? Most of life consists of small moments instead of grand cruises and monumental achievements. Does your daily routine increase your potential for peace, success, personal connections, and opportunities.
• Helpful vs. hurtful – Often times we may seek excitement, perhaps even thrilling experiences by living in the margins or on the edge where the lines are blurred between that which is beneficial or maybe even legal. This can be especially challenging for individuals with ADHD. While it is important to acknowledge the need for excitement, diverse experiences, and learning opportunities, it is equally as important to seek fulfillment in ways that are helpful and healthful instead of including possible landmines that could cause harm. In other words, think ahead. Don’t just react impulsively to situations, thoughts, or feelings. Self-sabotage causes regret which decreases happiness. Make purposeful choices that are helpful and healthful instead of potentially harmful and hurtful.
• Expectations – We have expectations of ourselves as well as others. When our prospects for relationships, hopes for the future, and predictions about our careers paths don’t turn out as planned, it can lead to long-term disappointment. Life has no guarantees. We aren’t told that in school. If we try hard and do good in school, we will succeed. Right? While we have little chance of success if we do NOT try hard and learn as much as we can, the opposite is not guaranteed. However, if we are to maximize our opportunities, we need to try hard and learn as much as we can AND have a backup plan. If Plan A didn’t work out, perhaps Plan B will. Being flexible and open to change can be difficult, but it is an absolute necessity.

• Catastrophe – When things don’t work out, it can feel like a catastrophe. Reactions that are over the top can increase our unease. Choosing a point of view that puts the situation into its proper size helps our outlook. Instead of saying, “This always happens!”, “Why does this always happen to me?”, or “This is the worst!” remember to include an accurate perspective: “This happened today, and I don’t like it, but things will improve. I can start taking positive steps to change.” The difference between what we feel and know can be huge.

• Stray – Many times if our values and lifestyle have strayed from where we started (family of origin), we can end up in an emotional state that just doesn’t feel right and where happiness isn’t likely. (An exception to this would be aspects of an unhealthy family or origin.) Evaluate current values and lifestyle. Are they healthful and helpful or do they cause unease and a tendency to create disharmony with yourself and/or others?
• Get Help – Getting the help you need for long term and/or overwhelming problems with mood or life is a necessity. You may start with your doctor, decide on the need for a therapist, seek counseling, get a life coach, or join a support group with individuals experiencing similar issues. Many issues in life can leave us gasping for help as if we’ve fallen from an otherwise stable cliff. If one doctor or therapist isn’t a good match or can’t understand and listen, get another one.
  • If you have thoughts of suicide:
    • call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
    • call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
    • text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line)

Inspiration and Happiness

Our Creator God is our constant loving, companion, comforter, protector, teacher, and guide. We can trust Him. In the middle of life’s ups and downs, we can be happy in the presence of our faithful God. We have no promise of “easy” or absence of trouble. In fact, we are told that in life there will be many trials (John 3:33), however, our constant protector and teacher is faithful and has overcome all things of this world.

Why would we ever attempt to do life on our own? Like our need to breathe, we need God. When we are faithful with our prayers in our relationship to God, His presence enters all areas of our lives as we learn to trust Him and listen to His wisdom. Pray and let God into all areas of life. God is faithful. We can trust Him.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Romans 15:13, NIV

“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” -John 16:24, NIV

Happiness: Uncovering the Secret to Everlasting Joy by Randy Alcorn

Positive Psychology: 17 Best Books on Happiness and Are They Worth Your Time?

How to Survive the Loss of a Love by McWilliams, Bloomfield, & Colgrove “One of the ten most recommended books by clinical psychologists to their clients.” – The New York Times

If God is Good: Why do we Hurt? by Randy Alcorn

The Sacrament of Happy: What a Smiling God Brings to a Wounded World by Lisa Harper